SCOFIELD & 6 MONTHS

(Mom's Turn)

Every second weekend in February for the past 20 years or so, the Frandsen Family has organized and attended the Annual Scofield Snow Ride. So, every year, we pack up and go to the cabin to participate and to hang out with the family. This time I think they had the biggest turn out ever: over 180 snowmobilers showed up to enjoy the beautiful mountains, eat the yummy food and of course get the prizes.
Da piu' di vent'anni, ogni secondo sabato di febbraio, la Famiglia Frandsen organizza e prende parte all'Annuale Giro in Motoslitta a Scofield. Cosi', ogni anno, noi facciamo le valigie e andiamo alla baita per partecipare e stare con il resto della famiglia. Penso che quest'anno, abbiano avuto la piu' grande partecipazione: 180 motoslitte hanno partecipato al giro, la gente si e' goduta le meravigiose montagne, mangiato del cibo molto buono e vinto dei premi.

Jacomo and I stayed at the cabin during the ride, since he is still too little to go, but we can't wait to take him on it. We know that Vittoria had a great time when James took her on the ride. It was very cold, but she never complained, and we tried to bundle her up as much as we could, her skinny little body would not hold heat for very long, but she was fearless, asking her dad to jump this and that, to go faster and do tricks.
Jacomo ed io siamo rimasti alla baita, visto che lui e' ancora troppo piccolo per partecipare, ma non vediamo l'ora di portarlo con noi. Vittoria si divertiva un mondo quando James la portava con se'. Faceva parecchio freddo, ma lei non si lamentava, la coprivamo il piu' possibile, il suo corpicino cosi' piccolo e magro non riteneva il caldo a lungo, ma lei era senza paura, chiedeva al padre di saltare questo e quello, di andare piu' veloce e di fare le acrobazie.

(Vittoria-February 2008)



Some of the similarities between my two kids have to do with being outside. Jacomo, like his sister, absolutely LOVES to be outside and the snow.
We arrived at the rendezvous point for lunch kinda early, so Aunt Jana, cousin Harley, Jacomo and I played in the snow and explored a bit around. It was cold, windy and started to snow some, but nothing could keep our boy inside: for exactly 3 hours, he walked, fell, rolled, played, ran in the snow, like it was just a summer day. He had a blast, and by the time we got back to the cabin, he was exhausted and fell asleep right away. His mom, on the other hand, after all the workout of keeping up with him, had to take some Tylenol and a much needed nap. Who needs to go to the gym? It may sound like I'm complaining, but no, I would not change this little bundle of energy for anything in the world. We love him so much, he and Vittoria are our pride and joy.
Una delle cose che accomuna i miei due bambini e' il voler stare fuori a tutti i costi. Jacomo, proprio come la sorella, adora stare fuori e la neve.
Arrivati al punto di ritrovo con un po' di anticipo, zia Jana, la cuginetta Harley, Jacomo ed io abbiamo deciso di esplorare i dintorni e giocare nella neve. Faceva parecchio freddo, c'era vento, aveva pure incominciato a nevicare un po', ma niente e nessuno poteva tenere Jacomo in macchina: per 3 ore, ha corso, camminato, si e' rotolato, e' caduto e si e' rialzato come se stesse giocando un qualsiasi giorno d'estate. Si e' divertito tanto, ma una volta ritornato alla baita, era talmente esausto che si e' addormentato come un sasso. La sua mamma, d'altra parte, dopo tutta la fatica di stargli appresso, si e' presa un bell'antidolorifico ed e' andata a farsi un bel riposino. Sembra che mi stia lamentando, ma no, non cambierei questo fagottino di energie per niente al mondo. Gli vogliamo un bene dell'anima, lui e Vittoria sono le nostre gioie e vanti.

(Harley and Jacomo)

On Sunday, everybody made their way back to Price, since the following day was a holiday and we had pictures taken. So, on Monday, most of the morning and early afternoon was taken by the pictures: first all the grandkids ( it was funny seeing so many kids all together and the adults trying to get them to hold still, smile, and behave, and I was one of them since when everybody was ready and good to go, Jacomo decided he did not like to sit and be good). Then it was the whole family's turn, and then the single families.
Domenica, tutta la famiglia ha fatto ritorno Price, visto che il giorno dopo era festa e avevamo le foto di famiglia da fare. Cosi', la maggior parte di lunedi' mattina e primo pomeriggio e' stata dedicata alle foto: prima con tutti i nipoti
(uno spasso vedere cosi' tanti ragazzini tutti insieme e gli adulti che cercavano in tutti i modi di farli stare fermi, sorridere e comportarsi bene, io ero una di loro visto che una volta che tutti i bambini era pronti, Jacomo ha deciso che a lui non piaceva stare fermo e buono). Poi e' stato il turno di tutta la famiglia al completo e poi delle singole famiglie.
Well, since Monday is past and gone, everybody is back to their life, and we are back to ours, I honestly can say that since I was told about the pictures, I had dreaded Monday. Who wouldn't? I did too much thinking, but how could I have not? To me, it felt wrong, unfair and very sad that our Vittoria was NOT physically there. I do have some regrets that probably I'll carry with me for the rest of my life, and one is that I should have had our little family's picture done after Jacomo was born or even this summer before Vittoria went in for surgery. I can't go back in time, I wish I could. How could I smile when inside I was torn apart and felt like my heart was bursting with pain? I am the kind of person that wears her heart on her sleeve, especially when it comes to Vittoria, you can totally tell when I am in pain, so I think it was obvious during this weekend too.
Be', visto che lunedi' e' passato, tutti, compresi noi, siamo ritornati alle proprie vite e posso dire con tutta sincerita' che da quando mi fu detto di queste foto da fare, ero pittosto impaurita dall'arrivo del lunedi'. Ma chi non lo sarebbe stato? Mi ero fatta troppe congetture mentali, ma chi non lo avrebbe fatto? Per me era sbagliato, ingiusto e triste che la nostra Vittoria non sarebbe stata fisicamente con noi. Mi rammarico di non aver avuto l'idea di fare queste foto subito dopo la nascita di Jacomo o persino quest'estate prima che Vittoria avesse l'operazione, purttroppo non si pou' tornare indietro, ma come vorrei. Come potevo mettermi in posa e sorridere quando dentro mi sentivo morire? Sono il tipo di persona che non nasconde i propri sentimenti, soprattutto quando si tratta di Vittoria, e questo weekend sono stati piuttosto ovvi la tristezza e il dolore che abbiamo provato.
But my wise hubby always says that what we do from now on is for our boy, so I got my act together and had our pictures taken. Our photographer and sister Jana will do something special to our photos...but can't say much now, maybe I'll have to do another post with the photos. (if allowed)
In the end, I'm grateful for the graciousness and tactfulness of the family and that i we had our photos taken. One more "First" out of the way.
Anyway, afterwards, Uncle Garth took Jacomo on Taylor and Rylie's four wheeler for a ride around the yard. Obviously he loved it, like anything else that has an engine and makes noise. Two kids running around!!!
L'unica cosa che mi ha convinto a farci fare le foto e' in realta' quello che James ripete da un po', cioe' che quello che facciamo da adesso in poi e' per nostro figlio. La nostra fotografa fara' qualcosa di speciale e particolare alle nostre foto e se mi verra'permesso nel prossimo post le pubblichero'.
Ad ogni modo, nel pomeriggio Zio Garth ha portato Jacomo sulla quad di Taylor e Rylie per un giretto in giardino. Come ogni altra cosa che fa rumore e ha un motore, Jacomo ne e' rimasto completamente affascinato.



Tuesday, February the 16th, was the 6 month mark since our Vittoria went back to Our Heavenly Father, and it was soo hard. So, on our way back to Salt Lake City, we stopped at the cemetery. More snow had fallen since we were there in January. The flowers and the teddy bear were frozen to the ground and some snowflakes had started to come down. Vittoria's cousins, uncles, aunts, grandparents were there with us. Thank you, once again, for your support, love and not leaving us alone.
Martedi' 16 febbraio segnava i 6 mesi da quando Vittoria e' ritornata dal Signore. Prima di lasciare Price, ci siamo fermati al cimitero. C'era ancora piu' neve di quando ci siamo stati a gennaio. I fiori e il peluche erano completamente ghiacciati e congelati per terra and i primi fiocchi di neve avevano incominciato a farsi vedere. Zii, cugini, nonni paterni erano sono venuti con noi.

(Nati, Jacomo, Camryn, Taylor, Payton, Rylie)
(Not pictured but present Adelia, Jocelyn, Tianna, Pyper and Harley)


We brought stuffed animals and more flowers, but also lots of tears. Six months have gone by, but the pain is so alive, almost like the first day. It feels like yesterday, but also like so much time has passed. We miss our little girl so much, we want to hold her and kiss her, and feel her skinny arms around around our neck and her tiny laughter....
...I just want my baby girl.
Abbiamo portato altri fiori e peluche, ma anche tante lacrime. Sono passati 6 mesi, ma il dolore e' ancora cosi' vivo, quasi come il primo giorno. A volte sembra ieri, altre come se fosse passato tanto tempo. La nostra bimba ci manca tantissimo, vogliamo tenerla stretta a noi, darle tanti baci, sentire le sue braccine magre magre intorno al nostro collo e la sua risata...
...voglio la mia bimba!!

What a day!

Can I erase the past couple of days, please?
So, our little boy started with a fever on Tuesday night, not big deal, except after almost 24 hours of Tylenol, he stopped eating and drinking and started acting very cranky and very clingy, with the fever reaching 103.6 Fahrenheit (39.8 Celsius). Not good, so off to the doctor who found an ear infection ( not again!) and prescribed an antibiotic. OK, I can totally deal with this: a few days of good meds and he will be fine, right? Wrong!! On Thursday at 1 am his fever reached 104 (40)!!!!!!!!! Throughout the day, the fever actually never went away, he kept crying and screaming for no apparent reason, nothing could comfort or calm him down, so yesterday afternoon, the nurse suggested to take him to a local hospital ( not a chance!) or Primary Children's Medical Center (crap)!! You know that was NOT the place I wanted to go. No offense, that is THE BEST place for a sick kid, but my emotions were and are still too raw and fresh to be thinking straight. As a mom, I had to put my feelings aside and do what was the best for my boy. Easier said than done, trust me. As we were getting ready to leave, on the outside I was trying to be brave and calm, but the memories and the emotions came up in crashing waves: my brain was already working to find an objective way to face this, but my heart was beating like crazy. My eyes started to tear up and my stomach was in knots. How could I do this without falling apart completely? What if the fever was a sign of something serious? And what if we met some of Vittoria's doctors or nurses? I mean, even just the parking lot triggers major anxiety issues and opens up the flood gates. I was scared.
We checked in and it was déjà vu all over again: the beeping monitors, the floor, the beds, the medical charts, the background noise even the smell.
Jacomo was a trooper: he got picked on, probed, checked several times, and during all, he held still, almost hypnotized, sooo much like his sister.
His heart rate when we got there was a little bit off, he still had some fever and some redness in his ears. They also found out he had a really nasty discharge in his throat and that could have caused the high fever. The diagnosis was Pharyngitis. So after some Motrin, liquids and taking his vitals one last time, we finally got to go home.

(Jacomo waiting for the doc)

P.S. He is doing much better today, but they said it will take 3 to 5 days for him to get back to normalcy. If that means 24/7 of a very active boy, not time to myself,always on the go, bring it on, I just don't want anymore of these experiences, I could do without them and especially I don't want to see the inside of Primary Children's anymore. I think I might need some serious therapy, I am a mess.

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So, remember my fear of meeting one of our girl's doctors or nurses? Well, from far away, we spotted a doctor that was in the ICU when Vittoria was there, but since he never met her or us, I was ok with that. Instead, the nurse assigned to us was actually an old acquaintance: in September of 2008, Vittoria ended up at the ER for dehydration ( I know: bad parents!) and this nurse ended up being assigned to us. Not unusual, except that like our Vittoria, she has Marfan Syndrome. So of course, once Vittoria found it out, she was intrigued and very happy to meet somebody, especially an adult, with the same health problems as her, I think that maybe she was thinking what she would be like once she became an adult: a beautiful tall lady like the nurse.

T., the nurse, was very gracious and professional, trying to keep us and especially Jacomo comfortable, yet when we told her of Vittoria's passing, her eyes were red and teary, she was deeply saddened and then she said :" I remember Vittoria, she was always happy and smiling!". Music to my ears, yep, that's our girl! And some pictures came to my mind, of our girl and her funny faces.