What a day!

Can I erase the past couple of days, please?
So, our little boy started with a fever on Tuesday night, not big deal, except after almost 24 hours of Tylenol, he stopped eating and drinking and started acting very cranky and very clingy, with the fever reaching 103.6 Fahrenheit (39.8 Celsius). Not good, so off to the doctor who found an ear infection ( not again!) and prescribed an antibiotic. OK, I can totally deal with this: a few days of good meds and he will be fine, right? Wrong!! On Thursday at 1 am his fever reached 104 (40)!!!!!!!!! Throughout the day, the fever actually never went away, he kept crying and screaming for no apparent reason, nothing could comfort or calm him down, so yesterday afternoon, the nurse suggested to take him to a local hospital ( not a chance!) or Primary Children's Medical Center (crap)!! You know that was NOT the place I wanted to go. No offense, that is THE BEST place for a sick kid, but my emotions were and are still too raw and fresh to be thinking straight. As a mom, I had to put my feelings aside and do what was the best for my boy. Easier said than done, trust me. As we were getting ready to leave, on the outside I was trying to be brave and calm, but the memories and the emotions came up in crashing waves: my brain was already working to find an objective way to face this, but my heart was beating like crazy. My eyes started to tear up and my stomach was in knots. How could I do this without falling apart completely? What if the fever was a sign of something serious? And what if we met some of Vittoria's doctors or nurses? I mean, even just the parking lot triggers major anxiety issues and opens up the flood gates. I was scared.
We checked in and it was déjà vu all over again: the beeping monitors, the floor, the beds, the medical charts, the background noise even the smell.
Jacomo was a trooper: he got picked on, probed, checked several times, and during all, he held still, almost hypnotized, sooo much like his sister.
His heart rate when we got there was a little bit off, he still had some fever and some redness in his ears. They also found out he had a really nasty discharge in his throat and that could have caused the high fever. The diagnosis was Pharyngitis. So after some Motrin, liquids and taking his vitals one last time, we finally got to go home.

(Jacomo waiting for the doc)

P.S. He is doing much better today, but they said it will take 3 to 5 days for him to get back to normalcy. If that means 24/7 of a very active boy, not time to myself,always on the go, bring it on, I just don't want anymore of these experiences, I could do without them and especially I don't want to see the inside of Primary Children's anymore. I think I might need some serious therapy, I am a mess.

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So, remember my fear of meeting one of our girl's doctors or nurses? Well, from far away, we spotted a doctor that was in the ICU when Vittoria was there, but since he never met her or us, I was ok with that. Instead, the nurse assigned to us was actually an old acquaintance: in September of 2008, Vittoria ended up at the ER for dehydration ( I know: bad parents!) and this nurse ended up being assigned to us. Not unusual, except that like our Vittoria, she has Marfan Syndrome. So of course, once Vittoria found it out, she was intrigued and very happy to meet somebody, especially an adult, with the same health problems as her, I think that maybe she was thinking what she would be like once she became an adult: a beautiful tall lady like the nurse.

T., the nurse, was very gracious and professional, trying to keep us and especially Jacomo comfortable, yet when we told her of Vittoria's passing, her eyes were red and teary, she was deeply saddened and then she said :" I remember Vittoria, she was always happy and smiling!". Music to my ears, yep, that's our girl! And some pictures came to my mind, of our girl and her funny faces.