For the first time in 9 months, the 16th fell on a Sunday and of course our minds turned to THAT Sunday, August 16th, the morning that things were stable and we were waiting and praying for a heart but in the afternoon our baby girl was gone. That was the longest, most painful and surreal day of my entire life.
Per la prima volta in 9 mesi, il 16 era di domenica e naturalmente i nostri pensieri sono tornati a QUELLA domenica, il 16 di agosto, quando la mattina la situazione era stabile e noi aspettavamo e pregavamo che arrivasse un cuore presto e il pomeriggio la nostra bimba si e` spenta. E`stato il giorno piu` lungo, doloroso e surreale di tutta la mia vita.
Sunday, we started out our day by going to the Primary Children's Medical Center Memorial Tribute in memory of all the children who passed away in 2009. The program included music, poems and a slide show with photos of all the beautiful kids who left this earth prematurely. Vittoria's photo was the very last one and as her name was read, I looked up at her photo and felt this immense stab to my heart. I could not stop the tears. I was physically hanging on to James' arm, squeezing my eyes shut and praying to wake up from this nightmare... but this is reality.
Domenica, abbiamo iniziato la nostra giornata andando ad una cerimonia in memoria di tutti i bambini che sono venuti a mancare nel 2009 organizzata da Primary Children's Medical Center. Il programma includeva della musica, poesie e una carellata di diapositive di tutti questi bambini bellissimi che se ne sono andati troppo presto. La foto della nostra Vittoria e` stata l'ultima ad essere mostrata e mentre il suo nome veniva letto, ho alzato gli occhi, l'ho guardata e ho sentito questa coltellata mostruosa al cuore. Non ho potuto trattenere le lacrime un minuto di piu`. Ero fisicamente aggrappata al braccio di James, con gli occhi chiusi stretti e pregavo di potermi svegliare da questo incubo, ma questa e` la nostra realta`.
(This is the photo we submitted for the slideshow. We love this picture, it's her, with her uncombed hair, a smile on her face and a girly hat.-Questa e`la foto usata per la mostra di diapositive. E' lei, con i capelli non pettinati, un sorriso sulle labbra e un cappello)
One of the poems that was read at the ceremony.
Una delle poesie lette alla cerimonia.
“For a Parent on the Death of a Child” by John O’Donahue
No one knows the wonder
Your child awoke in you,
Your heart a perfect cradle
To hold its presence.
Inside and outside become one
As new waves of love
Kept surprising your soul.
Not you sit bereft
Inside your nightmare,
Your eyes numbed
By the sight of a grave
No parent should ever see.
You will wear this absence
Like a secret locket,
Always wondering why
Such a new soul
Was taken home so soon.
Let the silent tears flow
And when your eyes clear
Perhaps you will glimpse
How your Eternal child
Has become the unseen Angel
Who parents your heart
And persuades the moon
To send new gifts ashore.
Once we got home, we packed our bags and left for Price. We went to the cemetery before it got dark and took a purple (of course!) teddy bear for our little girl. Her cousin Taylor took her a toy windmill.
Amiamo questa sua foto, e` lei, con i capelli non pettinati, un sorriso e un cappello femminile. Una volta tornati a casa, abbiamo fatto le valigie e siamo andati a Price. Ci siamo recati al cimitero prima che facesse buio, le abbiamo portato un orsetto viola ( ovvio!), mentre sua cugina Taylor le ha portato una girandola.
We spent most of Monday morning choosing and designing a grave marker. It was tough. How do you sum up a little girl's life on a rock? How do you portray her personality and favorite things? How do you show her funny crazy faces and her sweet little voice? You don't! We are trying to make the best decision, and I hope she would agree with our choices. Needless to say, I was emotionally drained by the time we left the shop.
Abbiamo trascorso quasi tutta la mattinata di lunedi` a scegliere una lapide. E` stata dura. Come si riassume la vita di una bimba su una pietra? Come racconti la sua personalita` e le sue cose preferite? Come mostri le sue facce buffe o la sua vocina tanto dolce? Non si puo`! Abbiamo cercato di prendere la decisione migliore, e spero che Vittoria sia d'accordo con le nostre scelte. Non c'e` bisogno di dirlo, che era emotivamente piuttosto svuotata quando ce ne siamo andati.
Monday evening we went to the annual spring dance recital put on by Tori's dance studio, Dance Technica. Like always, the dances were amazing, fun and entertaining, and music was awesome. This year, Tori dedicated two dances to Vittoria.
Lunedi` sera siamo andati all'annuale saggio di danza organizzato dalla scuola di danza di Tori, Dance Technica. Come sempre, i balli era incredibili e divertenti e la musica fantastica. Quest'anno Tori ha dedicato due balli a Vittoria.
What an honor it was for us to be there. We were really excited and anxious, all we knew was that all of Vittoria's cousins and her aunts were going to be in one of the dances, everything else was going to be a surprise... and it was! A very beautiful and touching tribute to our daughter, whose framed photo was on the stage with the girls.
E` stato un onore poter essere li`. eravamo emozionati e ansiosi, l'unica cosa che sapevamo era che le cugine e le zie di Vittoria avrebbero partecipato in uno dei due balli, il resto sarebbe stato una sorpresa. E lo e` stata! Un bellissimo e coomovente omaggio alla nostra bambina, la cui foto era sul palcoscenico con le ballerine.
(Copyright Bryner Photography)
The first dance, with the music of "The Call" by Regina Spektor, was performed by the Elites Class. The second dance, with the music of "Footprints In The Sand" by Leona Lewis, was performed by the Advanced Ballet Class and by Aunt Tori, Aunt Mary, Aunt Joy, Aunt Jana and all of Vittoria's cousins: Taylor, Nati, Payton, Tianna, Jocelyn, Rylie, Adelia, Camryn, Harley and Pyper, all dressed in purple. It was a good thing that James was videotaping both dances because I could barely see. My eyes were swimming in tears and I was trying so hard to hold back my uncotrollable sobbing. It was simply beautiful and amazing: seeing all of these little girls dancing around on the stage. I would say that Vittoria was with them, having fun and enjoying the show.
Il primo ballo, con la musica di "The Call" di Regina Spektor, era stato eseguito dalla Classe Elites. La seconda danza, con la musica di "Footprint In The Sand" di Leona Lewis, ers stata eseguita dalla Classe di Advanced Ballet e dalle zie Tori, Mary, Joy (incinta) e Jana e da tutte le cuginette di Vittoria: Taylor, Nati, Payton, Tianna, Jocelyn, Rylie, Adelia, Camryn, Harley e Pyper, tutte quante vestite di viola. Per fortuna che James stava riprendendo il tutto con la videocamera, perche`avevo difficolta` a vedere, gli occhi erano pieni di lacrime e stavo cercando in tutti i modi di trattenere il pianto incotrollabile. Era semplicemente incredibile e bellissimo: "ho visto" la nostra Vittoria con tutte queste bambine che ballavano sul palcoscenico, che si divertiva un mondo e si godeva lo spettacolo.
(Copyright Bryner Photography)
(Copyright Bryner Photography)
Thank you Tori from the bottom of our hearts for all the hard work, time and talent put in your dance recital. You are awesome and keep it up, we just love it!!
Our beautiful baby girl is always with us. Always. La nostra bellissima bimba e` sempre con noi. Sempre.
