Friday, October 16, 2009
- 2 Months-
These pictures were taken today at the Price City Cemetery where Vittoria was laid to rest. We brought some pretty flowers and purple bows. While Jacomo played with the purple unicorn that cousin Tianna gave to Vittoria, we rearranged the flowers in the vases and shed some tears. Thank you Mama Bonnie, sisters Tori, Mary and Jana and Donata for being there.
When I got to her grave, I found a little vase with purple and pink and white little buttons and flowers made out of them and among them, I found the poem on the top picture. Thank you Joy!
I have been thinking about this post for quite a while now. Another month has gone by. Since Vittoria’s passing, we’ve had several FIRSTS: first time the table was set again for 2, first trip to the cabin, first McDonald, first Panda Express, first 4 wheeler ride, all without our girl. And if I start thinking ahead, I see Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas coming. And I don’t even want to think about it. It will be Jacomo’s first Halloween and it breaks our hearts to know that she will not be here to share it with him: she was already making plans to be Scarlett O’Hara this year. She already had the large pretty hat with the red ribbon, we just needed the dress.
Every day it’s a struggle, we do try to keep busy, but our hearts and minds are often somewhere else. No parent should go through this: no situation is the same and no one knows what another person goes through, the experiences can’t be compared, but the broken heart after losing a child, no matter how old, is similar. Time does not heal all wounds: this kind of wound I don’t think can ever be healed…with time, and I mean a lot of time, it can get less raw and less painful, but it will always be there. Our pain is still very much there, still very fresh and alive, we miss our girl so much. I find myself smelling her bottle of shampoo just to remember the smell of her hair, or stopping at looking at girls’ clothes debating if it is something that Vittoria would have liked. Her radio is always on, just like she always had it, and the nightlights are still on in her room and in the hallway and her bathroom: she was afraid of the dark and all those lights comforted her.
Jacomo is starting to call Vittoria: he crawls up really fast to her pictures, stretches his little arms to her and says “IA IA” ( YA YA), with a big grin on his chubby face. And as I look on, I just want to bawl.
Our Jacomo is a very happy active little boy; he makes us laugh and keeps us on our toes. Sometimes it’s hard to keep up with him: if he could, he would play and eat 24/7, naps are highly overrated for him, and he is starting to play with trucks and horses…he LOVES Grandpa’s horses, since he can’t neighing to them, he growls at them. He adores water: getting him out of the tub is always a fight, just like with his sister. She could stay and play until the skin of her fingers would fall off. I see a lot of similarities between the two of them, mostly with their stubbornness ( I have no idea where they get that from), and with their likes and dislikes. Our Vittoria taught us and is still teaching us so many things, but above all how to be parents.
Cousin Mindy sent me the video of “Fly” by Celine Dion, and I wanted to post it, but since technology does not like me, for now I thought I would post the lyrics. Needless to say, that after I heard the song, I was a mess for the whole day.
Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again
Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet
Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget
Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light
THANK YOU EVERYBODY FOR STILL PRAYING AND THINKING OF US AND LOVING OUR LITTLE GIRL!!