Friday, October 16, 2009

- 2 Months-

These pictures were taken today at the Price City Cemetery where Vittoria was laid to rest. We brought some pretty flowers and purple bows. While Jacomo played with the purple unicorn that cousin Tianna gave to Vittoria, we rearranged the flowers in the vases and shed some tears. Thank you Mama Bonnie, sisters Tori, Mary and Jana and Donata for being there.
When I got to her grave, I found a little vase with purple and pink and white little buttons and flowers made out of them and among them, I found the poem on the top picture. Thank you Joy!

(Mom’s turn)
I have been thinking about this post for quite a while now. Another month has gone by. Since Vittoria’s passing, we’ve had several FIRSTS: first time the table was set again for 2, first trip to the cabin, first McDonald, first Panda Express, first 4 wheeler ride, all without our girl. And if I start thinking ahead, I see Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas coming. And I don’t even want to think about it. It will be Jacomo’s first Halloween and it breaks our hearts to know that she will not be here to share it with him: she was already making plans to be Scarlett O’Hara this year. She already had the large pretty hat with the red ribbon, we just needed the dress.
Every day it’s a struggle, we do try to keep busy, but our hearts and minds are often somewhere else. No parent should go through this: no situation is the same and no one knows what another person goes through, the experiences can’t be compared, but the broken heart after losing a child, no matter how old, is similar. Time does not heal all wounds: this kind of wound I don’t think can ever be healed…with time, and I mean a lot of time, it can get less raw and less painful, but it will always be there. Our pain is still very much there, still very fresh and alive, we miss our girl so much. I find myself smelling her bottle of shampoo just to remember the smell of her hair, or stopping at looking at girls’ clothes debating if it is something that Vittoria would have liked. Her radio is always on, just like she always had it, and the nightlights are still on in her room and in the hallway and her bathroom: she was afraid of the dark and all those lights comforted her.
Jacomo is starting to call Vittoria: he crawls up really fast to her pictures, stretches his little arms to her and says “IA IA” ( YA YA), with a big grin on his chubby face. And as I look on, I just want to bawl.
Our Jacomo is a very happy active little boy; he makes us laugh and keeps us on our toes. Sometimes it’s hard to keep up with him: if he could, he would play and eat 24/7, naps are highly overrated for him, and he is starting to play with trucks and horses…he LOVES Grandpa’s horses, since he can’t neighing to them, he growls at them. He adores water: getting him out of the tub is always a fight, just like with his sister. She could stay and play until the skin of her fingers would fall off. I see a lot of similarities between the two of them, mostly with their stubbornness ( I have no idea where they get that from), and with their likes and dislikes. Our Vittoria taught us and is still teaching us so many things, but above all how to be parents.
Cousin Mindy sent me the video of “Fly” by Celine Dion, and I wanted to post it, but since technology does not like me, for now I thought I would post the lyrics. Needless to say, that after I heard the song, I was a mess for the whole day.

Fly, fly little wing
Fly beyond imagining
The softest cloud, the whitest dove
Upon the wind of heaven's love
Past the planets and the stars
Leave this lonely world of ours
Escape the sorrow and the pain
And fly again

Fly, fly precious one
Your endless journey has begun
Take your gentle happiness
Far too beautiful for this
Cross over to the other shore
There is peace forevermore
But hold this mem'ry bittersweet
Until we meet

Fly, fly do not fear
Don't waste a breath, don't shed a tear
Your heart is pure, your soul is free
Be on your way, don't wait for me
Above the universe you'll climb
On beyond the hands of time
The moon will rise, the sun will set
But I won't forget

Fly, fly little wing
Fly where only angels sing
Fly away, the time is right
Go now, find the light


  1. We love you guys! My thoughts are with you and pray you'll have the peace and comfort you need. Marinda

  2. I am so glad you posted. Talking can be so theraputic. You will look back on your post and see just how far you have come. Your family will always be able to remember these times and see the Lords hand in everything. We love you. We should go on a little family date.

    This is Martha Gerber

  3. I cannot imagine how you might feel, I can just tell that I am here if you need to talk or cry or yell please call me

  4. We love you guys! I can't believe it has already been two months. We think about her often and I marvel at how this summer has changed my life even in small ways. You are an amazing family and we are so blessed to know you. Call if you need anything & we need to finalize our lunch date!
    Hugs & love!

  5. I love you Val. I'm so glad we were able to spend this day with you. We love you both and your sweet family. You will always be in our prayers, hearts, and thoughts. We miss Vittoria so much and miss seeing her with the girls, but know that she is actually here with us and playing right along side them, just not in the way we want. It is so hard to see the two of you without her. But I do know that the Lord watches over us and knows of your pain. I know the He is guiding you along this hard path.
    I love hearing your stories about Vittoria. Please, never stop telling them.
    Thanks again for letting me and my girls be a part of such a special day. Love you tons and tons.

  6. ciao mia cara,leggere quello che scrivi mi fa sentire piu' vicina a te e al tuo dolore, non sai quanto vorrei starti vicina e farti capire che io ci sono e che se hai voglia di sfogarti, di piangere ma anche di sorridere io sono qua. Un grosso bacione a te e alla tua famiglia.

  7. I was thinking about you the other day, knowing Halloween and Jacamo's birthday were right around the corner, and wondering how you were doing.

    Remember that the offer of dinner is still on the table whenever you want it. We've actually been home of late.